The Reading Bud

Book Details:

Author: Tara Hodgson
Release Date: 15 October 2025
Series:
Genre: Young-Adult, Psychological Thriller
Format: E-book 
Pages: 366 pages
Publisher: http://www.tarahodgson.ca
Blurb:
When the volleyball hits the floor mere inches from Reese’s hands, her dreams of playing
college ball shatter.
After consecutive failures on the court, in the classroom, and in her relationships, she’s done
playing the part of perfect daughter, perfect student, and perfect athlete. It’s time for a new life.
Enter Cassie Brentwood.
Bold. Reckless. Free. Cassie is everything Reese isn’t yet longs to be. They quickly become
friends and Cassie introduces her to Liam, a mysterious guy from Snapchat. Blinded by his love
bombing and the desperation to shed her perfect image, Reese plunges head first into their world.
It feels instantly thrilling… until it’s not.

Girls are disappearing from nearby towns, however no one in their quiet small town seems
concerned.
But when Liam’s behaviour grows darker, Reese’s new life begins to unravel. She ignores the
warnings. The red flags. The little voice screaming to her that something’s not right. Until she’s
far from home, trapped in a nightmare she can’t escape.
With no one left to trust, Reese has to fight to reclaim the life she was so eager to leave behind.
She wanted freedom. Now, she just wants to go home.
At least she has to try.
Told with searing honesty and lyrical depth, At Least I’m Trying is a poignant novel about mental
health, girlhood, and what happens when the version of yourself you’ve worked so hard to
become starts to fall apart.

Review

At Least I’m Trying by Tara Hodgson is a raw, gripping, and emotionally intense YA psychological thriller about perfectionism, vulnerability, grooming, friendship, trauma, and the devastating consequences of wanting to become someone else. The story follows Reese Muller, a high-achieving volleyball player and “perfect” daughter whose life begins to unravel after one bad game, a failed scout opportunity, a breakup with Gabe, and growing distance from her best friend Willow.

What makes the book compelling is how carefully author Hodgson builds Reese’s emotional collapse before the external danger fully takes over. Reese is not reckless in a simple way; she is exhausted, lonely, over-pressured, and desperate to stop being the version of herself everyone expects. Her parents’ perfectionism, her comparison with Lizzy, her breakup with Gabe, and her resentment toward Willow create the precise emotional vulnerability that Cassie, Liam, and Seth exploit.

The alternating “Before” and “After” structure works well, giving the novel a constant sense of dread. We know from the beginning that something terrible has happened, and every choice Reese makes feels loaded with danger. The missing-girls fragments between chapters sharpen that tension further, making the reader aware of a larger pattern even when Reese herself is too overwhelmed to see it clearly.

The strongest relationship in the book is Reese and Willow’s fractured friendship. Their bond is loving but strained, and the novel is honest about how shame can make a person push away the very people who might save them. Gabe is also handled with more nuance than expected; he is not perfect, but his concern for Reese reads as genuine. Cassie, meanwhile, is one of the most interesting characters because she functions as both mirror and warning: another girl trying to escape her own pain, but through choices that lead Reese deeper into danger.

The book is difficult to read in places because it deals with grooming, coercion, sexual exploitation, emotional abuse, intoxication, and trauma. Author Hodgson does not romanticise danger and shows how manipulation often works through attention, validation, secrecy, and the promise of freedom. Liam’s charm is frightening precisely because Reese initially experiences it as relief.

That said, the novel is emotionally heavy and sometimes repetitive in its interiority. Reese’s spirals around failure, worthlessness, perfection, and not being “enough” are psychologically believable, but some readers may find the narration intense and claustrophobic. However, that closeness to Reese’s mind is also the book’s main strength. We are not simply watching bad decisions from the outside; we are inside the emotional logic that makes those decisions feel possible.

Overall, At Least I’m Trying is a powerful, unsettling, and socially relevant YA thriller. It is not just a story about a girl in danger, but also about how danger finds girls who are already isolated, ashamed, and desperate to be seen. Honest, painful, and compulsively readable, this is a novel that understands both teenage vulnerability and the terrifying sophistication of manipulation.

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