Author:M. Price Release Date: 28th May 2022 Series: Genre: Contemporary Fiction, Surreal Fiction Format: E-book Pages: 294 Publisher: – Blurb: Jhaegar Holdburn is a forlorn teenage edgelord who constantly attempts suicide and finds himself continually failing due to last second blunders. His desire for death comes from his often frazzled, often incoherent mind and how it fuels the way he’s ostracized by his peers as well as how he’s been made a pariah in the current social climate. At last the opportunity arises, Jhaegar manages to commit suicide using a foolproof method, and after years of despair he finally dies… But not quite… Jhaegar is instead resurrected…as he will always be resurrected. He finds the one thing standing in the way of sweet death is his uncanny inability to truly die and that his suicides result in increasingly stranger and psychedelic realities, irreversibly made worse by his ever deteriorating mind. He discovers the only way to break this cycle of death and rebirth is to uncover the real root of his problems and find his own personal sense of happiness, as well as to unravel the esoteric tangle of his own repressed psyche. But, with his grasp of reality slipping away by the minute, will Jhaegar have time to save himself from his own self-destruction?
Review
⭐⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 4 out of 5.
Please Feel Bad I’m Dead by M. Price is a dark contemporary take on teenage mental health issues. This book is about a teen boy whose dark thoughts, and the inhumanity of the world around him, lead his psyche to deteriorate to a point where he wants nothing but to end his life. So he commits suicide only to find that he cannot end his life. Every time he kills himself, he is resurrected.
This book chronicles his journey of trying to kill himself and then resurrecting with an even more deteriorated psyche only to conclude that he would have to face his own demons and explore the depths of his fragile mind which might hold the key for him to understand what is happening and maybe even his happiness.
This book is quite similar to Matt Haig’s The Midnight Library, although much darker and with a different concept of resurrection. I would recommend this book to all mental health fiction readers and anyone wanting to explore the surrealism of being trapped in a mind that suffers from acute and clinical depression.
Although be advised this could be a strongly triggering read for people who are sensitive, especially to suicide and depression.
Welcome to TRB Lounge. Today, I’d like to welcome Emma Grace, he author of Match for an author interview with The Reading Bud.
About The Author
Emma Grace
Emma Grace is a lifelong novelist, student, and lover of the outdoors. She is currently pursuing a B.A. in Creative Writing with a Minor in Wilderness Education at SUNY Potsdam, a combination of her two passions, however different they may be.
Emma lives in both northern New York and southern New Jersey, splitting her time while she pursues her degree. The back-and-forth nature of college has allowed her to embrace her love of travel while simultaneously learning to understand her transient characters (who handle change far better than she does). Her parents, sister, and exceptionally spoiled dog are her biggest supporters.
When she isn’t holed up in a library or coffee shop, you can find Emma out in nature, either sunbathing on a rock like a gecko or finding yet another mountain to climb.
Match is Emma’s debut novel. To learn more about the Underground and Katie’s future, visit her website, www.authoremmagrace.com, where you can sign up for her newsletter.
Welcome to TRB! Please give our readers a brief introduction about yourself before we begin.
Hi! My name is Emma, and I’ve been writing for pretty much my entire life. Match is my first novel, which I’m super excited to share with the world! I was born and raised in southern New Jersey (think of farms and big pine trees) but I go to college in super-upstate New York. In fact, my school is so far upstate that it’s not even called upstate—it’s called the north country! I’m a creative writing major and wilderness education minor, and I love spending time outside, whether I’m climbing, hiking, camping, or simply enjoying an afternoon in my trusty hammock. A lot of my best work happens after a day spent outdoors. I’m really excited to share my work with you guys and get to know you, too!
Please tell us something about your book other than what we have read in the blurb?
One of my favorite things about Match is that it’s written in first-person, present tense, which gives it a really intimate feel. The narrator’s name is Katie, and you get to see into her brain and understand why she makes the choices that she does, how she rationalizes them, all those gory details. You also get to see how much she loves her friends Chris, Ava, and Noah. The four of them are exceptionally close, and while the story is narrated through Katie’s POV, they’re really all the protagonists, which is why I simply refer to her as the narrator.
What is that one message that you’re trying to get across to the readers in this book?
First and foremost, I want readers to have a good time. That’s my main goal with writing—produce something enjoyable to share with others. As far as a message goes, I want readers to realize that they’re so much tougher than they think they are. Katie, Chris, Ava, and Noah go through so much together, and a lot of it seems unsurvivable. But at the end of it all, they get through it, and even manage to laugh a little along the way. I want readers to look at the four of them and think ‘wow, if they can get through that, then I can get through whatever I’m dealing with, too.’
Who is your favorite character in this book and why?
Even though Katie narrates this book, I really love Noah, one of her best friends. He’s funny, sweet, and very protective, but in a respectful way. He sees the world in a very black and white way, which sometimes lands him into trouble. There’s a running joke that he and the principle were on a first-name basis when he was younger because he was such a prankster, but they were always pretty harmless because he just wanted to make people laugh, not hurt them. He’s really protective and would go to bat for pretty much anyone without a second thought. He’s just a total doll, and I love writing scenes with him.
What inspired you to write this book? An idea, some anecdote, a dream or something else?
I saw a Tumblr post when I was younger that pretty much said, “what if when you turned 18 you were given this half-heart necklace and your soulmate had the other half, so you had to go on this epic journey to find them?” That really struck me as interesting, and I said, “what if we took that, but made it dark and twisted?” So then I kind of reversed the concept and made it, “your soulmate is already in this town, and the government will tell you who it is by matching up your half-heart necklaces,” which is what prompts my characters to run away. Throw in a resistance military, old family secrets, and the journey of self-discovery, and now you have Match!
How long did it take you to write this particular book?
I started writing Match when I was about 13 and decided to publish right after I turned 20. So technically 7 years, but I would take time away from it to work on other projects or just focus on school (usually work on other projects, like the sequel).
What are your writing ambitions? Where do you see yourself 5 years from today?
I would love to publish Match and its two sequels, and then maybe get more into poetry or general YA. I also plan to go on a lot of adventures in the near future, doing some long-distance hiking, working outdoorsy jobs, etc. I would love to eventually publish a memoir of all of my adventures. In 5 years, I see myself getting ready to settle down somewhere in the Adirondacks, or maybe out in the western U.S. if I find somewhere that captures my heart just as much. I’ve got lots of exploring to do before then, though!
Are you working on any other stories presently?
I’m currently working on the sequels to Match, which are called Spark and Burn. Spark is narrated from Chris’s point of view, which is a really interesting adjustment to make. A lot of Katie’s narration is how my inner monologue sounds, so I have to be very careful and deliberately switch it up for Chris. Burn is from Katie’s point of view again, so it feels more natural to me, which is why Spark is currently getting a lot more of my attention.
Why have you chosen this genre? Or do you write in multiple genres?
I chose YA dystopia because those were my favorite books growing up. The Hunger Games rocked my world—I was so obsessed I wrote fanfiction, braided my hair every day, the works! When I first started Match, I wanted to create something that, if I worked really hard and also got really lucky, would have the same kind of impact. I do dabble in poetry, but only if an idea pops into my head—I try not to force it. Eventually, I’d like to work on a regular YA project that I have in mind, but that’s a ways away!
When did you decide to become a writer? Was it easy for you to follow your passion or did you have to make some sacrifices along the way? (feel free to give us your story, we love hearing author stories!)
I decided I was going to be a writer in the 3rd grade. We had a period in school called “Writer’s Workshop” which was just time to work on stories or poems, kind of whatever we wanted. I liked it so much that I started typing up a story on my mom’s work laptop every night when she got home, and eventually I (with the help of my dad) emailed it to my teacher. The next day in school, she was so excited about it, asking me questions about what happens next (I’d left it on a cliffhanger, which is something I still do). I remember thinking, ‘wow, I really like doing this, and other people really like when I do this, too!’ And that was it, I never looked back. Over the years, other things have taken up more my time and attention, but I always come back to writing.
What is your writing ritual? How do you do it?
My favorite times to write are whenever I feel like I’m stealing words, if that makes sense. In high school, I’d race through a test to have a couple minutes to write; at work, I’d pull up a word document whenever my boss wasn’t looking. Those are the times when I feel the words flow the fastest—when I feel like my writing is a tiny act of rebellion. When I’m not stealing words, I like to head to the library and put some lofi beats on. I usually use noise-cancelling headphones—I call them my “work-mode blanket.” I’ve found that I’m not great at writing at home since that’s primarily my place to relax and rest, although I do enjoy lighting a candle and doing social media work there.
How do you prefer to write – computer/laptop, typewriter, dictation or longhand with a pen?
I really like to write on my laptop—my brain works too fast for me to write longhand! I’m also a leftie, so I end up with pen smudges all over my hand. I would love to get a typewriter someday, but I do tend to make a lot of typos, so we’ll see! Occasionally, I’ll use dictation, especially on a long drive (like the one from NJ to the north country) if I have an idea that just won’t leave me alone.
What are your 5 favourite books? (You can share 5 favourite authors too.)
This is like asking me to choose my 5 favorite friends! Okay, here goes nothing:
The Hunger Games/The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (SO excited for the movie!!!)
Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail
The Song of Achilles (except I cried so hard that I’ll probably never read it again—I can’t afford to be that dehydrated)
The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse
The Sun is a Compass
My favorite authors, however, are a little different:
Suzanne Collins
J.K. Rowling (I don’t agree with her on pretty much everything/I won’t financially support her anymore, but Harry Potter did shape my childhood/desire to write, and I’ll always have a special place in my heart for those books)
Rick Riordan (PJO also shaped my childhood)
Delia Owens (same as JKR—amazing writing, crummy person!)
Madeline Miller
How do you deal with Writer’s Block?
For me, ideas have to kind of fall into my head. They remind me of thunderstorms in July—they appear very suddenly, and then poof, they’re gone. Staring at the sky won’t make a storm appear, and staring at the blank page won’t make an idea show up. I like to stay busy by hiking, climbing, hitting the gym, or hanging out with friends. Funnily enough, reading does not help, because then I end up comparing my writing to whatever I’m reading and then I just feel worse. So, staying busy, keeping my mind and body active, and allowing the ideas to come naturally is my best method for dealing with Writer’s Block. A good cry helps sometimes, too.
What advice would you give to aspiring non-fiction writers?
I would tell aspiring writers to defend themselves fiercely. There are going to be people who doubt you, even in your inner circle. My best advice would be to cut those people out ASAP—not necessarily from your whole life, but definitely from your writing life. Writing is hard, and it’s a process that can be filled with self-doubt. The last thing you need is someone else making it harder for you. Surround yourself with support and positivity, and you’ll realize very quickly how much you and your writing can thrive. You’ve got this—I can’t wait to read your story!
Thank you, author Emma Grace, for your insightful answers!
About the Book
Match
Katie Davis has had her whole life planned out for her since birth. She, along with every other citizen of Carcera, is predestined to marry her perfect Match. She knows that she will eventually have two children, and that none of the citizens will never leave the Border, the wall of stone encircling the city. No one could have predicted, however, the harrowing night that forces Katie and her three best friends to flee for their lives only days after their Matching Ceremony. With nowhere to go, Katie and her friends must make impossible choices at every turn.
They are faced with life-altering decisions, such as whether or not to join the Underground, a resistance army dedicated to overthrowing Borders. The smaller choices seem just as unfathomable as the larger ones-what to eat for dinner, what to do in their free time, and even what to wear. When their luck begins to run out, they are left with only two options: fight, or die.
Match is the first installment of The Matchbook Trilogy.
If you are an author and wish to be featured as our guest or if you are a publicist and want to get your author featured on TRB, then please get in touch directly by e-mail at thereadingbud@gmail.com
Welcome to TRB Lounge. Today, I’d like to welcome author M. Pricewho’ll be sharing an excerpt from his latest release Please Feel Bad I’m Dead.
About the Book
Please Feel Bad I’m Dead
Jhaegar Holdburn is a forlorn teenage edgelord who constantly attempts suicide and finds himself continually failing due to last second blunders. His desire for death comes from his often frazzled, often incoherent mind and how it fuels the way he’s ostracized by his peers as well as how he’s been made a pariah in the current social climate. At last the opportunity arises, Jhaegar manages to commit suicide using a foolproof method, and after years of despair he finally dies… But not quite… Jhaegar is instead resurrected…as he will always be resurrected. He finds the one thing standing in the way of sweet death is his uncanny inability to truly die and that his suicides result in increasingly stranger and psychedelic realities, irreversibly made worse by his ever deteriorating mind. He discovers the only way to break this cycle of death and rebirth is to uncover the real root of his problems and find his own personal sense of happiness, as well as to unravel the esoteric tangle of his own repressed psyche. But, with his grasp of reality slipping away by the minute, will Jhaegar have time to save himself from his own self-destruction?
Jumpin’ Christ, this is too much work. How do people even get these things loaded?
I’m on nine, but there’s still room for seven more. What? How? Who’s this strong? It’s—ya know, it’s not even about strength, it’s dexterity—but how do others have this dexterity? They’re strong, yeah, but they can’t be that good with their hands. And why do I even care? I only need one. Guess it’s just unrealistic, uh, something standards.
And my thumbs! Already swollen up to shit now. What’s really stupid is people would see this and be like, “Oh, what a loser, he can’t even load it all the way, what a scrawny whi—” —ya know, it’s not always about strength—just not as practiced as others may be in this field and that’s nothing to hold against me. I’m certainly trying something new and isn’t that what everyone wants? What they keep telling me to do? Whatever.
Durkheim posits that neurasthenia has no definite correlation to suicide. Jhaegar Holdburn posits that Durkheim’s a rustic country asshole who doesn’t know anything about me and I’m gonna do whatever I want. Stupid sociology, telling me how to think. Or psychology. Phycology. Something. They’re all the same. Bunch of old white people (which I’m definitely not, by the way).
Oh, my jumpi—forget it. We’re sticking with nine. I don’t have time for this, it’s all just a waste—they’re not gonna check it anyway. Nobody but me has standards in the first place and if they’re all gonna be degenerates, I may as well be, too.
But yeah, I set the gun (pistol?) on my desk. My nerves assault me as I do. What if I miss? I should’ve got the shotgun—I mean, it’ll be Visa’s problem, not mine. Sigh. I never think. This website I saw (name forgotten already) listed all the best (best) ways to (I gotta stop using parenthesis) kill yourself and they listed shotguns with a 99% success rate (“success” and I sure feel bad for that remaining 1%). Gun/pistol was set at I think number three right after cyanide, but it’s like, who has cyanide? And I feel it’s more classical or something this way with a gun/pistol. I’m a man of aesthetics.
I’m just afraid I’ll jerk my head at the last moment and shoot my face off. Or shoot below my brain and just sever my eye connector things—orbiter deals. Or shoot myself in the forehead and hit the wrong lobe. According to that website, it’s actually a lot more difficult than it may initially appear. I really should’ve got the shotgun, but it’s fine. It’s all fine.
Whatever. Step two: Music. I turn on my radio cuz I’m also a rustic country asshole and still own one and put in The Sleepy Jackson’s Personality (One Was a Spider, One Was a Bird). It’s my favorite album and the second track, “Devil in my Yard,” is one of my favorite songs and should queue up by the time I’ve completed the other steps. Their album title also has parenthesis. Double also: I enjoy, “You Won’t Bring People Down in My Town,” but it’s farther down the track list. I was gonna use it in a movie I never made—it was for the part when Mico’s at the dance with all the girls and he dances with all of them in turn during the “na na bu dah” parts but he doesn’t really feel it until the big “na na bu dah” part comes in while Luke’s like—ya know? I’d use the real lyrics, but I’m sure they’d sue my corpse—fine me while I’m in Hell or something—but then the right girl comes on to dance with him even though she’s not actually real and all the lights switch to a new color and they dance and as they dance the camera does this neat thing where it changes the central filmic lens and the girl then becomes the main character of the movie to help illustrate the man having a sexual identity crisis and longing to be a woman but then he dies and like I said she’s the main character until of course she dies and he’s reborn out of her dead body. It was a pretty wild movie. “How Was I Supposed to Know?” is also a great song, but it’s the last one.
Step three: Use the bathroom.
Step four: The Note. One must (wait, isn’t THIS the note?) be careful creating The Note as this’ll be the final messa—well, I’m just trying to get out of a going to a party tonight. Is this worth it at the moment?
Shut up! Yes, yes it is—I was gonna do it anyway, it’s just a convenient coincidence. But The Note, or lack thereof, is important cuz it’s your last chance to blame others—or leave an extreme, yet ambiguous, trail of breadcrumbs about your death to forev—
—A dog just took a shit outside. Is that alright? And she just left! Pick up after your dog, people live here!
Benny’s back of course. Squirrely little squirrel asshole. Always mocking me.
“Dear Benny: Fuck you.”
No, that won’t work. All wrong. How could I put “Dear” in my note? Do I really hold anyone dear? Not really. But what else would I put? Do I have to put anything? “Devil in My Yard” is playing so I don’t have time to lollygag.
Ya know, I’ll put “Deer” instead. The detectives won’t understand cuz Benny’s a squirrel. We’re doing it.
Alright, “Deer…”
…
…
I fucking hate writing. Waste of time—goofy I even have to do this. I rather say nothing, but then people’ll call me selfish. Need a drink of water.
I get said water from the bathroom sink like a real American. An unfortunate side effect of this is that I see myself in the mirror. I’m, uh, six even, hundred eighty pounds of muscle cuz I’m in basketball. Yeah. I’m smokin’. And I’m black…I mean, Black. Well, brown (Brown). Definitely not white. Never white. I’m a woman, too. Latin-American is offensive to me, just letting you know. I’m Chilean Second Generation.
The “Welcome to Chili’s” meme gets stuck in my head. Great. This is what I wanted to think about right now.
“Deer: I hope you’re all doing fine. As you can see by the body in this room: I am not fine.”
Ehh, I can’t use that. That’s stealing from George Carlin…well, the whole idea of this note is stealing from George Carlin, but they won’t know. They don’t listen. I’ll use it and they’ll never see. And if they did, they wouldn’t care. Maybe they like him, too? Maybe it’d make them admire me, they’d find in me a kindred spirit. Plus, what are they gonna do, write me up? I’m dead.
“Deer: I hope you’re all doing fine. As you can see by the body in this room: I am not fine. I’m penning you this notice regarding my death in hopes of bringing to light my decisions (not that you could ever hope to understand HahHahHahHahHah). Luke Steele’s an underrated singer who—”
—Piss! My thoughts interrupted my writing again! Gotta start over. Do I have enough paper for this? Oh well, I’ll quick get this thought out before I write again: Luke Steele, the main singer guy, has his other band, Empire of the Sun, right? They rushed their third album, like SO hard. That kind of stuff disappoints people. You get these expectations and
This is my fault
Shut up! It’s fine. Just get the note, get the note, get the note, get the—
—I sneeze. I have a cold, I guess. It’s not ideal, but it’ll have to do. We all make the best of our situations. See? I’m always told I’m not very positive. Clearly wrong. I am quite positive (double meaning!).
When one leaves behind a suicide note, the detective people take it in and examine it to see if I was murdered. Nirvana fans still think Cobain was murdered—not all Nirvana fans, I understand this, just some—but he wasn’t murdered. Kurt definitely killed himself. I wonder if it’s better that he did? The whole message they were giving wouldn’t have really worked with a band of forty-year-olds…and at least he knew commercialization with appeal to a larger audience ultimately kills true art…or maybe he wanted to die. Doesn’t matter thinking about it now, he’s dead and—
—He used a shotgun! I should’ve got the shotgun!
Christine Chubbuck lived for like fifteen hours after she shot herself. I don’t want that, that’s nuts! She severed the eye thingy—the orbiter!—she shot too low. I won’t make that mistake. Have to learn from others. Thanks Christine, for all you did for us. Is it alright if I call you “Christine?”
I ditch the note. Simply not practical. I’ve been writing (attempting) for a time now, so long in fact I’m actually approaching, “You Won’t Bring People Down in My Town.” This is either an unforeseen boon, a, uh, or—people always wanna do things in threes. There’s actually only one in this situation. You won’t see a false second and third from me. Terrorists don’t win this time.
But yeah, people’ll just have to deal with it. They don’t care anyway. I reset the album back to the beginning. I take my gun/pistol off my desk, slip into bed, a
I’m sorry
Jhaegar! Stop! Just do it already!
I prime or whatever-it-is the gun/pistol. Harder than it looks. Daniel Craig just snaps it back like a badass. It’s more of a strained yank for me. I always wanted to make a James Bond movie cuz I have an old ex-friend who loved James Bond and I know he’d go nuts. He ruins my friendship, I ruin his movie. It’s the least I could do.
I sneeze again. Man, this cold. Suddenly, I get the impression I’m a Manchurian candidate. What? What even is that? Does that relate to my cold?
“Devil in My Yard” comes on. Now’s my chance. I decide to leave a mental suicide note. Wait, weren’t there more steps? Never mind. “Deer everyone: it’s my life and I love it, I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask, uh…I won’t ever ask…or tell, I guess.” It’s alright to copy that, people too busy playing Bioshock instead.
I hold the barrel underneath my chin. Sigh, too unreliable…I hold it to my temples. The eye thingies! I raise it higher. I don’t know how much is right! I try my forehead! It’s hard to aim this way! Do I have sufficient finger strength?! Finger dexterity?!?!
Luke’s almost done! Piss on it all, I hold the gun/pistol back underneath my chin and pull the—
—I sneeze.
***
I wake up in the hospital.
Piss…
Or maybe it’s just a hospital-like Heaven or Hell? Whether this is worse or better, I cannot yet determine.
If Charlie Kaufman directed this scene from my life and/or death, the lights would be flickering and there’d be cockroaches everywhere. That’s called Expressionism, ya know? Expressionist filmmaking. Not about how something is, but how something feels. But Kaufman didn’t direct this, some dime a dozen studio “Filmmaker” did. And no, I’m not gonna attack Marvel right now (though I should). Rather, I must investigate.
My mystery finds itself quickly solved. I discover several thick bandages covering my right ear—this is the same moment I realize I can no longer hear anything out of my right ear.
I sigh.
***
I sigh just a bit harder as I sneak back inside my house. God knows what would happen if my Mom saw this. The Doctor told me she’d (cuz not all doctors are men mind you!) let me off with a warning which I found rather strange. An attendant at the door then told me to, “Please come visit us again!” Real, real strange.
Some blood trickles past my bandages. A soft pang (right word?) in my heart gives me a tad of insight into what it must be like being a woman. At least maybe? I’m a woman sometimes—but not at the moment, so my prior knowledge is null. I wipe the trickle with a store brand facial tissue and remind myself to never wear white again and then chastise myself for reminding me now cuz it won’t really matter unless I remind myself at the next instance I’ll be pressured to wear white. No barnyard weddings in the coming weeks I can think of so I should be fine. I can’t stand those barnyard girls. Quirky culture’s dead.
I get a drink of water and, well, you know me, it leads me to the bathroom sink and I see my new reflection. These bandages put a damper on my appearance. Jumpin’ Christ, they’re gonna call me “Hijab Holdburn” now. I take off the bandages.
I see my NEW new look.
I put the bandages back on.
“Hijab Holdburn” isn’t that bad. Maybe it’ll make people think I’m Middle Eastern? But Middle Eastern is the one that hasn’t really risen up the social tiers yet, they’re still kinda open season. Not like Black. Black is set. Black is good to go. Is there a Black sounding nickname I could get from this? I only see Middle Eastern or Latinx—Latino—Latin—La—whatever. I don’t know, I just have to stop being white.
The “Suicide Checklist” I keep on my wall mocks me (it’s the several items already crossed out). Jumping off the roof just hurt my legs and apparently I have a preternatural immunity to sleeping pills, et cetera, et cetera. I grab a pen and cross out, “Fucking shoot yourself.” You got me this time, Life, but next time I swear I’ll win. This pride dissipates as there’s nothing left on my list to try.
I recall that party is still on tonight and I, quite well alive, must attend.
Super sigh. I regret not putting all sixteen bullets in the clip. That probably would’ve added the required weight to stop the gun from jerking so hard.
About The Author
M. Price
M. Price may or may not live in the American Midwest. If one should find Price walking alone in the park, please feel free to leave Price alone. Some people say Price is something, but others say Price is definitely not (but defiantly yes), and whether it can really be known, who can know? All we know now is that you will never get this time back. M. Price’s favorite pizza is pineapple (not Hawaiian as Canadian bacon is for the Goys (Hilary Hahn’s favorite pizza is pepperoni (or so I’ve been informed))). STONKS.
If you are an author and wish to be featured as our guest or if you are a publicist and want to get your author featured on TRB, then please get in touch directly by e-mail at thereadingbud@gmail.com
Welcome to TRB Lounge. Today, we are featuring author M. Price on The Reading Bud for his upcoming bookPlease Feel Bad I’m Dead.
About The Author
M. Price
M. Price may or may not live in the American Midwest. If one should find Price walking alone in the park, please feel free to leave Price alone. Some people say Price is something, but others say Price is definitely not (but defiantly yes), and whether it can really be known, who can know? All we know now is that you will never get this time back. M. Price’s favorite pizza is pineapple (not Hawaiian as Canadian bacon is for the Goys (Hilary Hahn’s favorite pizza is pepperoni (or so I’ve been informed))). STONKS.
Jhaegar Holdburn is a forlorn teenage edgelord who constantly attempts suicide and finds himself continually failing due to last second blunders. His desire for death comes from his often frazzled, often incoherent mind and how it fuels the way he’s ostracized by his peers as well as how he’s been made a pariah in the current social climate. At last the opportunity arises, Jhaegar manages to commit suicide using a foolproof method, and after years of despair he finally dies… But not quite… Jhaegar is instead resurrected…as he will always be resurrected. He finds the one thing standing in the way of sweet death is his uncanny inability to truly die and that his suicides result in increasingly stranger and psychedelic realities, irreversibly made worse by his ever deteriorating mind. He discovers the only way to break this cycle of death and rebirth is to uncover the real root of his problems and find his own personal sense of happiness, as well as to unravel the esoteric tangle of his own repressed psyche. But, with his grasp of reality slipping away by the minute, will Jhaegar have time to save himself from his own self-destruction?
If you are an author and wish to be featured as our guest or if you are a publicist and want to get your author featured on TRB, then please get in touch directly by e-mail at thereadingbud@gmail.com
Author:Teri M Brown Release Date: 24th January 2023 Series: Genre: Historical Fiction, Literary Fiction, Generational Fiction Format: E-book Pages: 328 Publisher: Atmosphere Press Blurb: How does a man show his love – for country, for heritage, for family – during a war that sets the three at odds? What sets in motion the necessity to choose one over the other? How will this choice change everything and everyone he loves? Jacob Miller, a first-generation American, grew up in New Berlin, a small German immigrant town in Ohio where he endured the Great Depression, met his wife, and started a family. Though his early years were not easy, Jacob believes he is headed toward his ‘happily ever after’ until a friend is sent to an internment camp for enemy combatants, and the war lands resolutely on his doorstep.
In An Enemy Like Me, Teri M. Brown uses the backdrop of World War II to show the angst experienced by Jacob, his wife, and his four-year-old son as he leaves for and fights in a war he did not create. She explores the concepts of xenophobia, intrafamily dynamics, and the recognition that war is not won and lost by nations, but by ordinary men and women and the families who support them.
Review
⭐⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 4 out of 5.
An Enemy Like Me by Teri M Brown is a beautiful historical fiction novel that tells the story of Jacob Miller and how being a true patriot brings him face-to-face with a truth that can shatter anyone’s world: that he is more similar to the enemy that he’d been fighting with than the people he was fighting for. An Enemy Like Me is a beautiful exploration of 2nd, 3rd and even 4th generation immigrants who face discrimination based on their looks, family origins, accent, etc. albeit in different intensity at different times in history.
This story is about a soldier who is trying his best to fight for the country he currently lives in, yet battling emotions, imagining that his previous generations were part of the country that he was fighting with and how this has a profound impact on him. This book also explores the perspective on war from different generational views, providing readers insights into how different people, at other points in time, think about the same historic events and issues that had a great impact on their lives.
An Enemy Like Me explores a lot of themes which will resonate with most readers of historical, literary fiction and war fiction genres. So I’d like to recommend it to all the readers as this book has a lot to offer to all of its readers.
Welcome to TRB Lounge. Today, we are featuring author M. Price for their latest release, Please Feel Bad I’m Dead.
Please Feel Bad I’m Dead
Book: Please Feel Bad I’m Dead Author: M. Price Publication date: 28th May 2022 Genres: Literary Fiction and Satire Page Count: 294 Publisher: Amazon/KDP
About Please Feel Bad I’m Dead
Jhaegar Holdburn is a forlorn teenage edgelord who constantly attempts suicide and finds himself continually failing due to last second blunders. His desire for death comes from his often frazzled, often incoherent mind and how it fuels the way he’s ostracized by his peers as well as how he’s been made a pariah in the current social climate. At last the opportunity arises, Jhaegar manages to commit suicide using a foolproof method, and after years of despair he finally dies…
But not quite…
Jhaegar is instead resurrected…as he will always be resurrected. He finds the one thing standing in the way of sweet death is his uncanny inability to truly die and that his suicides result in increasingly stranger and psychedelic realities, irreversibly made worse by his ever deteriorating mind. He discovers the only way to break this cycle of death and rebirth is to uncover the real root of his problems and find his own personal sense of happiness, as well as to unravel the esoteric tangle of his own repressed psyche.
But, with his grasp of reality slipping away by the minute, will Jhaegar have time to save himself from his own self-destruction?
“William Faulkner, Thomas Pynchon, John Ashbery, Virginia Woolf, David Foster Wallace–all are fascinating writers but hard to follow. M. Price’s PLEASE FEEL BAD I’M DEAD feels like a candidate for this abstruse club.”
– IndieReader
“The book is a whirlwind experience of an imploding mind…PLEASE FEEL BAD I’M DEAD by M. Price invites the reader to explore in-between spaces. The often blurred lines of sanity and illness, the void of daily dialogues, the societal gaps which engulf misfits, and whatever lies between life and death.”
– Bestsellers World
About The Author
M. Price
M. Price may or may not live in the American Midwest. If one should find Price walking alone in the park, please feel free to leave Price alone. Some people say Price is something, but others say Price is definitely not (but defiantly yes), and whether it can really be known, who can know? All we know now is that you will never get this time back. M. Price’s favorite pizza is pineapple (not Hawaiian as Canadian bacon is for the Goys (Hilary Hahn’s favorite pizza is pepperoni (or so I’ve been informed))). STONKS.
If you are an author and wish to be featured as our guest or if you are a publicist and want to get your author featured on TRB, then please get in touch directly by e-mail at thereadingbud@gmail.com
Author: Matthew Levine Release Date: 9th November 2022 Series: Genre:Children’s Humorous Literature, Short Stories collection, Children’s Humor Format: E-book Pages: 20 Publisher: – Blurb: A short story for youth of all ages with humor adults might enjoy about a clumsy Pterodactyl that befriends a sad teenage girl on a San Francisco bus. Contain discussion questions for students at the end.
Review
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 4.5 out of 5.
A Pterodactyl Named Kahoutek by Matthew Levine is a beautifully written book with an equally beautiful and important message that is delivered adeptly using humour and amazing imagery.
This book is a very short read, but the message it offers to its readers is way broader than the confines of this book as it applies to everyone, universally. The author had done an amazing job of sharing some very important life lessons with great moral value using simple language and a very interesting story that is brought to life with well-developed characterisation.
I would strongly recommend this book to all children and adult readers alike because it has something to offer to all its readers.
Welcome to TRB Lounge. Today, I’d like to welcome the author ofMe and My Shadow: Memoirs of a Cancer Survivor – John Walker Pattison, for an author interview with The Reading Bud.
About The Author
John Walker Pattison
John Walker Pattison was born in the wonderful seaside town of South Shields 65 years ago. He is a dedicated Newcastle United supporter since 1969 when he took his steps through the clackerty clack of the turnstiles at St James Park; however, there is little doubt that the crucial hinge in John’s life is his beautiful wife, June. “Nothing is more important than family,” says John. He retired from his post as a senior clinical nurse specialist and head of service in haematology at his local hospital, partially due to his chronic illnesses as a consequence of the salubrious chemotherapy and radiotherapy he received decades ago, this being the same hospital that established his cancer diagnosis almost 50 years earlier; at that time his parents were told that he would not survive, yet here he is today, humbled to be one of the longest living cancer survivors in the UK. He has written dozens of articles for national and international nursing and medical press-presented lectures the length and breadth of the country on many aspects of haematology and cancer management. He is honoured to have won numerous awards both locally and nationally for his work in haematology.
However, Pattison knows that being one of the longest cancer survivors is his greatest achievement. John Walker Pattison recently completed his memoirs, ‘Me, and My Shadow – memoirs of a cancer survivor’ and which was published on 31 st October 2022. In addition, following the completion of his memoirs and in retirement he is now focusing on children’s fiction. John declares, “I have always been an elasticated Grandpa – relaying exaggerated stories to my grandchildren for many years.” These unbelievable tales are now the basis for his children’s books. In 2021, his inaugural title, ‘Strange Trips and Weird Adventures’ was published, as part of a series of adventures of Daniel and Papa. ‘Blenkinsop Blabbermouth and the Ghost of Broderick McCaffery,’ is due to be published on 16 th December 2022, ‘The Fastest Water Pistol in Splodge City’ has a target publication date of May 2023 and the fourth title, ‘The Kingdom of Huckleberry Jam,’ is likely to be released late 2023. Meanwhile, Lunar von Buella the Mystical Mouse from Missoula is a work in progress. Pattison enjoys the solitude and escapism of fly fishing and photographing Native Americans. More significantly, he found solace throughout his cancer journey in the history, and spirituality of the Lakota Sioux Nation. In 2018, he would spend time on Pine Ridge Indian Reservation with the indigenous people of South Dakota, the people who, unknowingly, supported him through his, and life’s greatest challenge, cancer.
Welcome to TRB! Please give our readers a brief introduction about yourself before we begin.
I am 65 years young, married to June and live in an old Victorian house, built in 1867 in South Shields. South Shields is nestled on the north east coast of England and is our home. We have three daughters and four grandchildren, all living locally, “Nothing is more important than family.” I left school with a handful of worthless qualifications and started working life as a welder in a local shipyard. Early in life, my aim was to join the Royal Navy, however, when cancer gripped my life in a deathly stranglehold, that goal was lost. In 1997 I returned to college to get the qualifications required to start my nurse training.
Please tell us something about your book other than what we have read in the blurb?
My book, ‘Me and My Shadow – memoirs of a cancer survivor’ had a number of high profile celebrities ready to write a foreword. However, I decided not to offer any of them that opportunity as I wanted the book to stand on its own merits. I did not want to be seen to be relying on a celebrity in order to raise the book’s profile as I believe the three-dimensional and inspirational story, will stand up to scrutiny and critique. I am honoured to reveal that his Royal Highness King Charles III has a copy of ‘Me and My Shadow -memoirs of a cancer survivor.’
Why did you choose this particular theme for your book? What is that one message that you’re trying to get across to the readers in this book?
Inspiration! I felt passionately that not only should my unique story be heard but, that it would offer inspiration and hope to anyone in society, but especially to anyone touched by a cancer diagnosis. Statistically, 1 in 2 of the population will get a cancer diagnosis at some point in their lives, a scary thought. Each and every one of us knows someone, friend, relative or loved one who has been affected by the scourge of society, cancer. Everyday makes me realise how fortunate I am, humbled at being one of the UK’s longest cancer survivors at almost fifty years post diagnosis. But, it is not just my story – the fact that my parents, way back in 1978 after 3 years of treatment and multiple relapse’s, were told that I would not survive is a blessing in itself. Yet eight years after my unexpected recovery, my daughter was diagnosed with terminal leukaemia – like her father she too would unexpectedly survive, going on to become an international swimmer, gaining two silver medals at the ‘World Swimming Championships’ in New Zealand in 1998. However, the third aspect of this three dimensional chronicle details my return to college and then a subsequent meteoric rise to the top of the clinical nursing ladder, becoming a haematology nurse consultant at my local hospital, the same place that made my cancer diagnosis decades earlier and where I would prescribe chemotherapy and break bad news diagnosis to individuals with the same cancers as my daughter and myself.
What inspired you to write this book? An idea, some anecdote, a dream or something else?
When, last year I retired due to chronic long term illness due to the salubrious chemotherapy, I just felt compelled to share my story
How long did it take you to write this particular book?
Although the story is almost fifty years in the making; the actual writing of the book took around six month. This did not include the time I spent requesting, then gaining access to my medical records in order to ensure I transcribed the correct chronological order of the many treatments I received. Occasionally, my memory would recall the many thoughts of my journey and, often during the middle of the night, when this happened, I had no other option than to get up, and start writing. Even today, after publication, there are one or two anecdotal stories that were not included in the book because I simply did not recall them.
What are your writing ambitions? Where do you see yourself 5 years from today?
At the risk of sounding blasé, I would hope to be sitting on a best seller, delivering inspiring author talks to patient groups, health care professionals and any other reader groups that are prepared to listen. I have also played around with the idea of a follow up chronicle, so that would not be beyond the realms of possibility. Ultimately, in response to the question and with total sincerity, I will settle for just being around in five years.
Are you working on any other stories presently?
Yes, my fifth children’s book, ‘Lunar von Buella the Mystical Mouse from Missoula.’
Do you also dabble in Fiction?
I certainly do, following retirement I wanted to keep active and, being an elasticated Grandpa I decided to write children’s fiction. I have always told my grandchildren about the adventures I have undertaken during my past years; such as, the time I climbed Mount Everest barefoot and captured the Abominable snowman, before letting him go again or, the time I built a sherbet fuelled rocket and blast off to Jupiter or, the time I won the world’s greatest steeplechase, the ‘Grand National’ on donkey called slowcoach or, my fights with lions, tigers and salt water alligators during the time I spent in the jungle teaching Tarzan how to survive or, the time I saved the King of England from being robbed of the crown jewels by masked robbers when I squirted them with salad cream and, the stories go on. I published ‘Strange Trips and Weird Adventures’ in 2021 and this was followed by ‘Blenkinsop Blabbermouth and the Ghost of Broderick McCaffery’ only this month. My third title, ‘The Fastest Water Pistol in Splodge City’ is on target for publication in May 2023 after which time I will submit the fourth title called ‘The Kingdom of Huckleberry Jam.’ As highlighted in a previous question, I am currently working on ‘Lunar von Buella the Mystical Mouse from Missoula.’
When did you decide to become a writer? Was it easy for you to follow your passion or did you have to make some sacrifices along the way? (feel free to give us your story, we love hearing author stories!)
Following my retirement, my wife suggested my elasticated stories would make good reading for children. I therefore, set about formulating a series of adventures of Daniel (my grandson) and his best friend Papa (me). Despite having never written a book previously, I decided the key ingredients should be intrigue, escapism and a splattering of magic, leading the child to feel as though they are participating in the adventure themselves. Ultimately, I think all children’s authors will agree that we are all children in a part of our hearts and I believe we never lose that childlike sense of fantasy and adventure. In that respect, I am no different to anyone else. It is that fantasy imagination that allows me to conjure up my stories.
What is your writing ritual? How do you do it?
To be honest, I do not have a specific writing ritual. Like most writers, there are times when the thoughts and ideas are free flowing. But, of course there are many times when I come up against the inevitable wall. In that situation, as I am extremely lucky to live on the North East coast of England, I can simply walk out of the door, stroll along a beach or, amble through a serene park and often a sudden splurge of ideas will enter my mind. I tend to try and write a little each morning, but it doesn’t always work out that way.
Do you believe in Writer’s Block? If you do, how do you overcome it?
I don’t think writer’s block as an entity is real, some authors, of course, will disagree and that’s fine. Admittedly, there are times when you struggle to find the vocabulary needed to further your work. But, at the outset of your project, you have a direction and a route map of how that work will progress. You know how you want the work to flow, so it’s not unusual to find that ideas dry up. But, I feel it is important to realise that if it were as easy as just writing and writing without the occasional stoppage or the need to gather your thoughts, redirect the project, and perhaps even make a major change to the story, then everyone would be an author. It is of course important to recognise this and put the pen down (or remove your fingers from the keyboard) and do something else for a few hours, possibly a few days. I have, certainly when writing children’s fiction left my work for up to three weeks. What is significant is, that eventually, you will continue the thread from where you left it.
Is writing your profession or do you work in some other field too?
I guess as I retired from my senior cancer nursing post last year, yes, writing would now be considered my profession.
Can you recommend a book or two based on themes or ideas similar to your book? (You can share the name of the authors too.)
That’s an easy one and relates to my memoirs, ‘Me and My Shadow.’ My inspiration during the difficult challenges of cancer treatment and the ultimate psychological battle I faced; was the history and spirituality of the Lakota Sioux nation. Early in my diagnosis I read ‘Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee’ by Dee Brown, a history of the indigenous people of America and their oppression and how they were almost destroyed beyond recovery. Yet their strength, pride and humility were such an enormous inspiration to me that eventually, I would spend time on Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota with the Lakota people who unknowingly supported me through life’s greatest challenge, a cancer diagnosis. In addition, as a children’s author I have no hesitation in suggesting any book written by Julia Donaldson, in my view a phenomenal once in a life time innovative children’s author.
How do you deal with Writer’s Block?
I tend to put my work to one side, just go for a walk, or, pick up my camera and head out to seek stimulation and a thought that will allow me to continue. I have always believed that simply sitting (in a park for example) and watching the world go by, observing peoples mannerism, their interactions or listening and watching nature will yield thought provoking ideas. Alternatively, it is not unusual for me to leave my work alone for a few days.
What advice would you give to aspiring non-fiction writers?
Decide what you are going to write, be true to yourself. Make plenty of notes (I still write long-hand before transcribing to the PC). Write from the heart but do not be afraid to re-write where necessary. Re-writes are almost always inevitable. You must be your own critic but be prepared to accept criticism from others. Remember, family members are not always the best people to offer a critique as they are clearly bias in your favour. Join author forums and seek advice from your peers. I tend to structure my projects, deciding in advance what each chapter will contain, but it is not written in concrete and can and often does change, but it gives me a framework.
Thank you, author John Walker Pattison, for your honest and insightful answers!
About the Book
Me and My Shadow
Me and My Shadow – memoirs of a cancer survivor, is a brutally honest account of one teenager’s struggle to understand and deal with the most feared diagnosis known to society: cancer. At 18 years of age, John Walker Pattison was thrust onto a roller coaster ride of emotional turbulence – his innocence cruelly stripped from him; his fate woven into the tapestry of life. After years of failed chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatments that ravaged his physical frame and almost destroyed his psychological stability – his parents were told that he would not survive. Yet, today, he is one of the longest surviving cancer patients in the UK. Eight years after his unexpected recovery, the news that all parents fear, his daughter is diagnosed with terminal leukaemia. Yet like her father, she too would defy the odds and go on to become an international swimmer. Pattison turned his life full circle and became a cancer nurse specialist at the same hospital that made his diagnosis decades earlier. He prescribes chemotherapy and cares for individuals with the same cancers experienced by both him and his daughter.
Throughout his journey, Pattison’s inspirations were the space rock legends, Hawkwind. He would get to play on stage with his heroes at the Donnington Festival in 2007. More significantly, he found solace throughout his cancer journey in the history and spirituality of the Lakota Sioux Nation. In 2018, he would spend time on Pine Ridge Indian Reservation with the indigenous people of South Dakota. The same people who, unknowingly, supported him through life’s greatest challenge: cancer.
If you are an author and wish to be featured as our guest or if you are a publicist and want to get your author featured on TRB, then please get in touch directly by e-mail at thereadingbud@gmail.com
Author: John Walker Pattison Release Date: 29th October 2022 Series: Genre: Memoir, Non-Fiction Format: E-book Pages: 233 Publisher: – Blurb: Me and My Shadow – Memoirs of a Cancer Survivor is a brutally honest account of one teenager’s struggle to understand and deal with the most feared diagnosis known to society: cancer. At 18 years of age, John Walker Pattison was thrust onto a roller coaster ride of emotional turbulence – his innocence cruelly stripped from him; his fate woven into the tapestry of life. After years of failed chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatments that ravaged his physical frame and almost destroyed his psychological stability – his parents were told that he would not survive. Yet, today, he is one of the longest surviving cancer patients in the UK.
Eight years after his unexpected recovery, the news that all parents fear, his daughter is diagnosed with terminal leukaemia. Yet like her father, she too would defy the odds and go on to become an international swimmer. Pattison turned his life full circle and became a cancer nurse specialist at the same hospital that made his diagnosis decades earlier. He prescribes chemotherapy and cares for individuals with the same cancers experienced by both him and his daughter. Throughout his journey, Pattison’s inspirations were the space rock legends, Hawkwind. He would get to play on stage with his heroes at the Donnington Festival in 2007. More significantly, he found solace throughout his cancer journey in the history and spirituality of the Lakota Sioux Nation. In 2018, he would spend time on Pine Ridge Indian Reservation with the indigenous people of South Dakota. The same people who, unknowingly, supported him through life’s greatest challenge: cancer.
Review
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 5 out of 5.
Me and My Shadow: Memoirs of a Cancer Survivor by John Walker Pattison is a gut-wrenching, eye-opening and heart-melting read from the author who shares his experience of not only living with cancer but also overcoming it, having been through seeing his daughter having it and seeing her overcome it. This book is an emotional roller-coaster of ups and downs that the author had experienced throughout his life, since his teenage years when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
This book serves as s tremendous source of information and inspiration because it has a lot to offer to all its readers. The emotional turmoil in the book conveys the hardships and predicaments that the author had to suffer many times in his life and makes the readers connect with the author on completely another level.
This book would be best for anyone suffering from cancer or any other terminal illness, a survivor of one, or the family member of anyone suffering from a terminal illness or anyone really who wants to read about how it feels to be stuck in such a situation and yet not to lose hope and in fact come out of it stronger. Really, everyone should give this book a read as there are so many takeaways for each reader in this book.
The Reading Bud 